finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
