I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
