I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
