I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
