The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
