Screwed.edu
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
