We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize