YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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