all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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