my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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