When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize