My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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