holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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