she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
