Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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