I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
