The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
