Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
