p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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