at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
