You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
