I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he shaved USA in his pubs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
