turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
