90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
