My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
