Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
