if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
