turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
