i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
