Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
