I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
