I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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