I think I died a long time ago.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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