Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
