...so i touched it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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