I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
