note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
