i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
