You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
