So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
