i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize