I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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