drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
