I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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