walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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