I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
