Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
