umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
