I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
