I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
