i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
