Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you had me at cake vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
