dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
