I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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