You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
