Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
