I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
