Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
