I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
