can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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