We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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