You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
