I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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