I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
