i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
