I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
