Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
