fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Still dying that you shit outside
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
