Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
