Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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