After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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