Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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