mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
