Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
