apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
